Parenting

Topics in Christian Counseling

“Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.”
—Proverbs 22:6, NLT

Quick Facts

There are four main parenting styles: Indulgent, Authoritarian, Authoritative, and Uninvolved.
Indulgent parents are nontraditional, tend to be more lenient, avoid confrontation, and have lower expectations around behavior. Children and adolescents from this environment are more likely to have behavioral issues and tend to not perform as well in school.
Authoritarian parents focus on obedience, status, and expect their orders to be followed without explanation. Children reared this way tend to behave better, but have poorer social skills, lower self-esteem, and higher levels of depression.
Authoritative parents give clear standards for behavior, are assertive, but not intrusive and overly-restrictive. Children from this environment behave better, perform well in school, and are more socially competent and emotionally healthier.
Uninvolved parents are often distant and detached. Children and adolescents whose parents are uninvolved perform most poorly in all areas.

Take note of what parenting style you identify with the most. Discuss this with your spouse or co-parent. Recall what style your own parents exhibited when you were growing up.
If your children are having behavioral issues, consider introducing new modes of discipline that implement positive reinforcement (through a token or point system), rather than only using negative consequences and punishment.
If your children are struggling with anxiety, depression, or self-esteem, learn ways to be emotionally open, approachable, and supportive while still holding appropriate boundaries. Find a counselor who works with children or teens struggling with emotional issues.
Be open to new approaches by reading parenting books and resources, or finding a counselor who specializes in parenting and child development. Parenting needs to change and evolve as children grow older. An approach that works with a 5-year old-doesn’t usually work with a 15-year-old.

Bibliography

Baumrind, D. (1991). The Influence of Parenting Style on Adolescent Competence and Substance Use. Journal of Early Adolescence, 11(1), 56-95.
Baumrind, D. (1989). Rearing Competent Children. In W. Damon (Ed.), Child Development Today and Tomorrow (pp. 349-378). San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.
Maccoby, E. E., & Martin, J. A. (1983). Socialization in the Context of the Family: Parent-Child Interaction. In P. H. Mussen (Ed.) & E. M. Hetherington (Vol. Ed.), Handbook of Child Psychology: Vol. 4. Socialization, Personality, and Social Development (4th ed., pp. 1-101). New York: Wiley.
Miller, N. B., Cowan, P. A., Cowan, C. P., & Hetherington, E. M. (1993). Externalizing in Preschoolers and Early Adolescents: A Cross-study Replication of a Family Model. Developmental Psychology, 29(1), 3-18.